STAGE 1: STUPIDITY
Like everybody else, for once, I also had a long weekend. We had two days off for Pongal followed by the weekend. Idle mind is devil's workshop. This is so absolutely true. Being jobless I wondered a lot about several things and before I knew how, I found myself on the way to an astrologer's house. My mother's friend knew this guy really well and I went along with them to see this astrologer. I am not going to get into the details of what exactly happened there but I have decided that I will never ever do this again, In this post I will explain why.
STAGE 2: REGRET
It took some time for me to figure out what was happening. After my visit once I was back home I was terribly upset and depressed. I don't know why. Nothing bad was told to me during my "session". But somehow I couldn't help feeling confused and guilty. I felt guilty for letting down my intellect. You know how you feel when you have done something terribly wrong. You feel it in your gut. You regret what you have done. And that evening I did not understand why I was feeling all this. It took me a long night to get over this terrible feeling.
STAGE 3: CLARITY
After a lot of thought and a few sadhguru videos I came to realize what exactly had happened. I am immensely grateful to sadhguru for helping me sort this issue. I felt all the above emotions for a reason. The fact that I had decided to ask somebody else to predict my future rather than trust my own ability to create a destiny of my choice is where the core issue lies. This is the same reason why I find prayer very confusing. A lot of people have told me during tough times;"leave it to god". How can I?? As long as I am breathing how can I let anything or anybody decide even the tiniest aspect of my life. My mind will simply not accept this. We are not meant to know about the future. We are supposed to discover every day and live every moment and create life the way we want to.It is completely our decision to make. If we realize the immense potential that we have as human beings there will be no reason to go seeking for comfort or answers or reassurances. Every year is a great year, every day is an amazing day and every minute is the bestest time to start any good activity. Life will always be good. And everything that happens to me is a direct or indirect consequence of my very own actions. All this made me think some more about my own life.
I have one single purpose for being alive. I always knew that touching lives gave me more joy than anything else in the world. A small act of kindness brings enormous contentment and joy to my heart. I will continue to live this way and will live a very meaningful life no matter what.
A few days after my dad passed away in 2011, I found this piece of paper at home. This is in his very own handwriting. It is a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson. I am always moved when I read this quote because it reminds me what a great life my dad lived and how gracefully he accepted everything that life gave him. I want to be just like that. I like the last line the most. "To know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived". For me this is clarity.
"To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."
